Faithful Friendships – Joe Egan and David Harmon

“I would not be in L’Arche today if it wasn’t for David Harmon. That became crystal clear to me in the moment that I tried to tell David that I planned to leave after my second year at Daybreak,” Joe told Daybreak members last month. Joe and David were seated at the front of the room and together were animating our annual community retreat. Joe has been in L’Arche for 43 years, David for 48.

Joe continued, “David got very upset at the news I shared with him about my plans to leave, and he started to cry. After a few minutes he said, “I have something I want to give you.” He left and came back with a little picture of himself.” Joe removed a small photo from his wallet and held it up for us all to see and continued, “In the photo David is 8 or 9 years old and was on vacation with his family somewhere in Florida. He gave me the photo and said, ‘I want you to have this picture so you will never forget me. And I want a picture of you so I’ll never forget you.’ And I started to cry.

In that moment David helped me to discover what was hidden in my heart – that I really wanted to stay. I had forgotten in all the busyness of community life and making plans for the future why I had come in the first place. David took the risk to be vulnerable and say that it made a difference to him whether I stayed or left and he reminded me that our relationship meant something to both of us. I’ve kept this picture with me for 43 years. It’s like a compass. I can always take it out and find true north again – to be in touch with my call, my desire to be faithful to my relationships.”

Joe continued, “I think what’s really important is that we discover who we are committed to and what we’re committed to because that is the only thing that gives us the passion and energy to live community well. It’s so much easier being against something than for something. Who are we really committed to and what are we really committed to?

In 1964, when Jean Vanier welcomed two men, Raphael and Phillippe, they discovered friendship and mutuality as they began to live together. That discovery, Jean called ‘the way of the heart.’ That is when one heart becomes bonded to another heart, through friendship which, over time and commitment and daily life, changes both people and calls us to be faithful.

Faithful friendships touch what is deeply human in all of us – a desire to belong and be accepted as we really are and discover and share our gifts with each other. To know that I am not always on the receiving end of life but on the giving side of life, that I can make a contribution to someone else’s life, I can have an impact on someone else’s life.

There is one question that each one of us carries in our heart our whole lives, and it’s this: “Am I loveable as I really am?” A faithful friendship is a wonderful response to this question. Of course, we do not live just for ourselves. We live our friendships so they can be a sign of hope. There is so much breakage in our world. Who is risking to be vulnerable, to show up and be seen “as I really am” and to make that choice of faithfulness. It’s an extraordinary choice, and it’s a choice for life. How are you being called to be faithful to your friendships today?”

Joe Egan is a member of L’Arche Toronto, former Daybreak community leader and former L’Arche International and L’Arche Canada Vice-Coordinator
David Harman is a member of L’Arche Daybreak. He has lived in L’Arche since 1969 – the longest time of anyone in North America.
Thanks to Beth Porter, L’Arche member for editing the original talk into an article.